The comedy legend unbegrudgingly (some might even say willingly) signed my copy of his new book, The President’s Desk. A daring nudie run across the political landscape of the world’s most beloved superpower. Well that’s what the back cover says, I haven’t actually read it yet.

The excitement of the fresh autograph donning the inside sleeve of this future literary masterpiece quickly turned to dismay, as I got home and realised Shaun had not returned my pen.

I am assuming it was just an oversight on his behalf. But it’s quite possible ABC funding cuts are running so deep they are now starting to impact the upper echelon of ABC workers. Whatever the case, I really want my favourite pen back!

Description of the pen:

• About 3 inches tall
• Black in appearance
• May have been wearing a cap

Last seen with: Shaun Micallef (pictured below looking anything but innocent)

Anyone with information pertaining to its whereabouts, please call Crimestoppers on 1800 330 000. Actually it might even be easier if you simply leave a message below. That way I’ll actually be kept in the loop and you won’t tie up valuable police resources.

Anyone without information pertaining to its whereabouts, please buy Shaun’s book, head down to the ABC studios and get him to sign it. If he uses a pen matching the description above, grab it and run! And then leave a message below with details on where I can meet you to pick it up.

I’m counting on you Team Australia!

Whilst they may have suffered intolerably back home, most leave their shores with one thing in tact, hope. Hope for a new start, hope for a better life. Enter the Australian Government.

In a radical attempt to “stop the boats”, Tony Abbott and his band of not-so-merry men are forcefully intercepting these helpless people out on the high seas, and sending them to a place barely more tolerable than where they came from.

This is a purposeful attempt to break the spirits of the asylum seekers, an array of men, women and children much like you or me, but with a lot less luck on their side. The Government is not concerned about people drowning at sea. They are only worried about upholding their abbhorent policy, by any means necessary.

Australian’s are known for their “Aussie spirit” which bonds us together as a nation, and has helped us prosper both economically and on the sporting stage over the past two centuries. So how can we be expected to tolerate the actions of our leaders, as they attempt to break the spirit of others?

In this article, I will attempt to break the myths surrounding the asylum seeker debate. If enough people are educacted about the reality of the situation the majoritarian view will shift and the Government will have no politial incentive to continue these atrocious actions.

A recent Facebook thread for The Project on the clashes at Manus Island highlighted a number of misguided views, which I am hoping to correct here. If even just one person changes their outlook after reading this, then getting up at the crack of dawn to write this has been worthwhile.

Statement: Oh well… shouldn’t have attempted to arrive illegally!

Reality: Asylum seekers arriving by boat are NOT illegal. They have fled their country due to fear of persecution and are attempting to find safety. In 1951, Australia signed the UN Refugee Convention allowing asylum seekers the right to enter a country for the purposes of seeking asylum, regardless of how they arrive or whether they hold valid travel or identity documents.

Why would we want these violent people in this country they flee there country to bring violence with them.

The majority of asylum seekers are warm compassionate people who are trying to escape the violence, and are not violent themselves. But just say Australia was at war and you managed to struggle onto a boat to survive, spent weeks upon the open sea risking your life to get to another country, then you are forcefully taken somewhere else, and locked up in a windowless shed, with 500ml of water a day in blistering heat, poor medical attention, and being separated from your children. Wouldn’t you kick up a little fuss?

A lot less drownings now. A country can’t be governed to the whims of the bleeding hearts.

Drownings may be reduced but the actions of the Government are putting the well-being of thousands more asylum seekers at risk. On Manus Island, they are denied adequate clothing, privacy, soap in bathrooms and lots more basic necessities. This impacts on both the physical and mental health of these already disadvantaged people.

Come in the legal way and abide by our rules. I could not just arrive in their country and be allowed to do what they are doing.

As per above, it is not illegal to seek asylum by boat. Whilst the people smugglers may be breaking the law, the asylum seekers have every right to flee persecution from their country by any means possible. Refugees fleeing their country because of horrific conditions do not have time to apply for travel documents or travel through authorised channels.

You cannot tell me every one who comes on the boats are legal.

Statistics show that 70-90% of asylum seekers arriving by boat are legitimate refugees. This compares to 44% of asylum seekers who arrive with valid visas.

Indonesia is not at war. If they were true asylum seekers they would of settled there instead of trying to come to our shores. They are only coming here for our welfare system and a hand out.

Indonesia is not a signatory to the UN Convention on refugees. Hence they come to Australia to escape the horrors in their own country, which our country agreed to support more than 50 years ago. Most asylum seekers come here to start a new life and become business owners or take on low paid jobs that others simply don’t want. This will actually help the Australian economy.

Asylum seekers have suffered enough and deserve a break. We are known as the lucky country. Let’s not become the selfish country.

I am writing to express my deepest condolences for you missing out on the exclusive rights to the Schappelle Corby story. It saddens me to know that you will not benefit from the ratings of this convicted drug smuggler, at a time where media profits are waning, especially in the television and print sectors.

I am also contacting you to announce my availability to partake in any activity (criminal or other) that may interest your network and your viewers. I am available 7 days a week and happy to travel, although being 6 foot 8 I would need an exit seat for overseas flights.

I am happy to perform whatever criminal act you deem most newsworthy, and when caught, can put forward a plea of guilty or not guilty, whichever you think will generate the most buzz for your audience.

I will require a contract to be written up prior to the “task” which will include both the financial terms of my agreement as well as your exclusive rights to the story upon my release.

My terms are $3 million based on current market rates, and provided a maximum ten year sentence can be guaranteed. ($150,000 a year for the next decade seems like a decent wage to me)

For an additional 10%, I will also set myself up with a new Channel 9 branded Twitter account, and provide daily tweets from my cell (international data roaming charges may apply).

Please let me know if you would like to use my services, and I can come in to your offices and discuss the finer points.

Kind regards,

Elliot Dean

P.S. Discounts will apply if the task involves anything to do with humiliating or harming the PM.

There has been community outrage ever since the idea was first proposed, and with more than 200 scientists signing a letter urgently against it, the dumping seemed unlikely to be given the go-ahead.

But with the Marine Park Authority surprisingly approving the plan, angry Australian’s have taken to social media, and more specifically Mr Hunt’s Facebook profile, to let him have it!

Some of the comments include:

Shame on you Greg Hunt. How do lie straight in bed at night? You are selling out the welfare of Australia to corporate interests. Have some backbone and stand up for future generations. Abbot Point expansion is yet another outrageous decision foisted on the people of Australia. Just who benefits Mr Hunt? – Maxine Bennell

RE your horrific Reef decision: You are no Environment Minister. Terrible. Shame on you. I hope History comes back to judge you. Constantly degrading and ruining our precious environment, in order to dig holes out of the ground and export dirty coal to others, putting the dollar first as normal. I’m lost for words. This government that you are a part of is the worst possible outcome for this country. I find myself deeply ashamed and embarrassed. I hope people power rises up now. I can’t wait until these three years of hell are over. – Christian Mitchell

An utter disgrace..will go down in history as the man who destroyed the Great Barrier Reef and the beautiful environs of Abbott Point. – Carolyn Eddy

YOU disgusting excuse for a human being. Greg Hunt should not be known as the Environment Minister he should be known for what he truly is which is the Coal Mining minister. He has just allowed and approved the dumping of 3 million tonnes of dredge spoil into the Great barrier Reef. YOU DISGUST ME. VOmit. – Corrinne Russell

Want to come round for dinner and explain to my kids why you’re screwing their country and their planet up so badly? ! have no answers for them and it’s keeping them and me awake at night. Not fair to do this to our kids, Hunt! – Leanne Kent

Eager to find out your definition of World Heritage Listing and why you would commit such environmental vandalism on our nations reef. What would Australia do if a foreign mining company dug up Kokoda or Gallipoli? We’d declare war, that’s what! Greed, evil, money, power, corruption, incompetence- destroying our country. Seems like the will of the nation cannot overthrow your innate desire to rise faster than the thing intended; millionaires into billionaires, big people with money and influence ruining the beauty of Australia. – Daniel Soffer

It is yet another move by the Government fueled by monetary gain at the expense of the environment.

What’s happening:

Three million cubic metres of sea bed will be ripped up at Abbot Point, north of Bowen, then transported and unloaded in the waters of the Great Barrier Reef Marine Park, just 50km from the beautiful Whitsundays Islands. Find out more here.

Why’s it happening:

To expand Abbot Point coal port, which will become the world’s biggest coal port. And to make coal miners really really rich.

Question posed by Greenpeace spokesperson Louise Matthiesson:

“We wouldn’t throw rubbish on World Heritage sites like the Grand Canyon or the Vatican City, so why would we dump on the reef?”

GREG HUNT, OR MORE LIKELY ONE OF HIS STAFF, DELETED AN ENTIRE THREAD ON HIS FACEBOOK PAGE WITH OVER 300 PASSIONATE COMMENTS ABOUT THE GREAT BARRIER REEF DECISION. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS ON OUR COMMENTS SECTION BELOW, THE TRUTH OF OUR ANGER CANNOT BE REMOVED BY THE CLICK OF A BUTTON!!

One things for sure, they won’t be going with the Aboriginal flag. Not because they’re racist, but because it features the sun, which is the Government’s worst enemy since it provides free energy!

How would Aussie battlers Gina Rinehart and Clive Palmer get by if too many people started using solar?

Other items unlikely to be considered on a new flag include sharks, the barrier reef and old growth forests.

But more on these another time

A letter recently sent to the Prime Minister:

To Mr Abbott,

Whilst I have numerous complaints in relation to the direction in which you and your party’s policies are taking Australia, I will contain myself to one issue which has triggered my writing this letter.

Your recent attack on our national broadcaster is nothing more than a grooming exercise, preparing the public no doubt for an attempt to cut funding to the ABC, one of the major sources of information for Australians who would like their news untouched by the Murdoch media and other news corporations pedalling a neo conservative agenda.

You stated that the ABC “appears to be taking everyone’s side but our own”. With this statement you imply that the Australian population are all on one side, that we all want the same thing. Need I remind you that millions of Australians DID NOT vote Liberal in the recent election and therefore do not subscribe to your ideology of what is best for Australia.

You may wish to remind yourself and your colleagues that Australia is a culturally, linguistically, ethnically and religiously diverse nation (one of the most diverse in the world) filled with people with an enormous range of views, ideologies, practices, beliefs and lifestyles. If I were you, I would prepare myself for the knowledge that there are more “sides” out there than you could count.

Australia has just been condemned by the United Nations for 150 violations of international law. If I am on Australia’s “side” are you suggesting I must support these illegal activities?

I am personally offended by you implying that because I am against Australia’s current treatment of asylum seekers, because I believe Australia must uphold its commitment to the Refugee Convention, because I value the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights, because I demand accountability and transparency from my government and because I have the audacity to attempt to educate and inform myself on a variety of issues, both domestic and global, from a range of sources including the ABC, that I am not on Australia’s side. I would argue the latter, that by practicing my rights as an individual to hold my own opinions and access whatever news I choose, I am living a very “Australian” life, as this is a democracy after all.

You nationalistic rhetoric is frightening and reminiscent of the lead up to horrendous violations of human rights and dignity in the world’s not too distant past, as are your attempts to quieten media outlets who dare to report the truth and challenge the actions of the government.

A free press is the cornerstone of any democracy and a democracy is the ultimate form of governance. Your attempts to erode this much valued gift (a gift that many Australian lives have been lost defending) will only be met with more resistance and far less votes in the next election.

I will leave you with a quote from a great man whose funeral you recently attended.

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others” – Nelson Mandela.

Sincerely,

Erin Joyce
Humanitarian worker, social worker and proud Australian citizen

When considering the actual challenges our country faces, boat people are NOT a major issue in Australia. . In reality, Tony Abbott and Kevin Rudd have defined Asylum Seekers arriving by boat as a problem and are now using the plight of the world’s most vulnerable people as a platform to try and win the next election. Our leaders should be working towards educating their people, rather than misinforming and scaring them.

I thought democracy was about being able to vote for who you wanted.
This upcoming election will be like sitting down to the dinner table
and having to choose between shit and vomit for your meal.
I WANT LASAGANE!

Since these two “gentlemen” won’t state any facts, we’ll do it for you:

Asylum seekers arriving by boat are NOT illegal.

Asylum seekers have left their countries of origin due to a well-founded fear of persecution. Australia, a signatory to the Refugee Convention, recognises this definition of a refugee. Asylum Seekers are attempting to come here to find safety and start a new life where they and their children have a future.

Under Australian Law and International Law a person is entitled to make an application for asylum in another country when they allege they are escaping persecution.

While it’s certainly most tragic that some people drown off our shores whilst attempting to come here, it is just as bad that we treat the rest like criminals. We are signatories of the Refugee 1951 convention and should be behaving in a humanitarian manner.

Australia does NOT already take too many refugees

According to Amnesty International 1 in every 115 people are refugees. Australia hosts one refugee for every 1583 Australian people, well below the world average. We also host 3 times less than Britain, who have one refugee for every 530 people.

Until August last year, Australia accepted 13,750 refugees annually. Under Julia Gillard, this figure increased to 20,000. In UNHCR’s report Global Trends produced in June this year, figures indicate that over 23,000 people daily are forced to flee their homes due to conflict or persecution.

Currently, over 45 million people are displaced due to conflict or fear of persecution. The United States, Germany, South Africa and France received the highest number of asylum applications in 2012.

Our country was built on boat people

Over 200 years ago, boats brought thousands of petty criminals across to Australia and ‘made’ them live here. Those people turned this country into what it is today, as have the thousands of migrants from all over the world who have also arrived here by boat since.

The majority arriving are REAL refugees

Despite what the Government might have you believe, over 85% of asylum seekers arriving in Australia are found to be legitimate refugees. Which means they should be treated as such. Which is why the UN has expressed alarm at Australia’s deteriorating support for asylum seekers.

Refugees will NOT take our benefits

Refugees are like migrants, they boost demand for goods and services and actually stimulate growth in the economy. They are not free-loaders wanting to get something for nothing. In actual fact, their pursuit for a better life can make them enthusiastic contributors to the economy and broader society.

Sadly many Australians don’t have an appreciation of how lucky we are to be from this country and reap the benefits being Australian provides for us. We could have just as easily been born into a poverty stricken family in another country. To say no to legitimate asylum seekers is selfish and ignorant.

SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

This next passage is an opinion.

Asylum seekers are a fact of life. While there is conflict and persecution around the world, people will continue to flee their countries and look to settle elsewhere. Because of this, the boats will keep coming, no matter what type of approach we take.

Therefore, we should look to act as humanely as possible and embrace asylum seekers. Let them become part of the multicultural nation that we are today.

A relatively small number of people coming to Australia seeking asylum come by boat however they spent disproportional amounts of time in processing centres. They should be processed in Australia in a speedy and timely manner and then resettled in the community where they can contribute to the growth of this great country.

This is by far the most human and most economical solution. Off shore processing is not only inhumane, but expensive and those funds could be much better spent elsewhere.

But if common human decency and compassion isn’t enough to convince you, how about diverting money currently spent elsewhere? I’d much prefer to see money spent on building adequate processing facilities in Australia than spending billions on a war on the other side of the world.

Even today, we are spending millions on military action in Afghanastan. This is to help disadvantaged people suffering hardship and horrific conditions in another country. Isn’t this the same thing? How can we happily invest in helping suffering people on the other side of the world but refuse to help suffering people on our doorstep?

Don’t let the leaders of this country tell you how it is. Discover for yourself, and speak up!

If you want our country to stop turning its back on asylum seekers, sign the petition.