Urgent Letter To Channel 9

Dear Channel 9,

I am writing to express my deepest condolences for you missing out on the exclusive rights to the Schappelle Corby story. It saddens me to know that you will not benefit from the ratings of this convicted drug smuggler, at a time where media profits are waning, especially in the television and print sectors.

I am also contacting you to announce my availability to partake in any activity (criminal or other) that may interest your network and your viewers. I am available 7 days a week and happy to travel, although being 6 foot 8 I would need an exit seat for overseas flights. Continue reading →